FEAR

This has always been my biggest threat. Fear of people’s thoughts of me, fear of confrontation, fear of failure.

One of my fears is the very thing I set out to do… writing blogs! I absolutely love expressing myself through this art form; however, I tend to still stupidly think that perfectionism is the way out. Still scared of the ridicule and harsh critiquing of my literally pieces.

 I love writing!!!! But here I am holding myself back like I’ve held back from a lot of other things.

  

I’ve held back from being my true self.

This is something that I’ve been fighting or rather trying to fight for a long time. I think I’m getting there. Family and friends who I thought were close to me turned out to be family and friends who are not close to me because this is not the Kerlana they knew. The Kerlana they knew was very much in touch with their feelings, said what they wanted to hear, and allowed them to think that their opinion were facts for the sake of being NICE. Over the years I decided to hear myself out and realized that I wore a mask imitating them. I wanted them to feel joy around me, to feel comfortable and to see me as their safe haven because that was something I myself was silently crying out for at the time!!! Turns out I was damaging myself in the process.

I mean I hate this quarantine thing as much as you do. But all the free time I had got me to actually act on the thoughts that had been in my head for yearsssss.  In the process, the Kerlana I’m finding myself to be loves helping and caring for others as always, but she also loves taking risks, is always thinking about the next move, wants to call people out on their bullshit baddddd disregarding feelings, is a bit blunt and likes to take things straight to the point, is stubborn and doesn’t like to do things that do not make sense! (Yes baby! The good, the bad and the ugly)

 I’ve seen people take offence to the realization of my true self but honestly seeking truth is better than nurturing feelings in my book.

My second fear would definitely have to be the fear of confrontation. I’ve had the fear of confrontation for years. Most of it having to do with past traumatic experiences, however, I find life placing challenges in front of me that required confrontation…and trust me… it was and still is tough!!! Nonetheless, my whole point is that whenever we come to realizations that there are things in life that we need to tackle for growth, tests are always placed in front of us… over and over… again and again…Until, I believe, we can become our best self.

I know that I can’t be the only one feeling this way, so please, comment down below or message me privately sharing your views and experience. Help me to help you to help us!

Share with me your experiences!!!! Don’t be shy.

P.S Check out the Youtube video in my latest post!